My friends Val and Phil are trying to clean out their garage to make from for … their car? Who actually parks their car in a garage? Weird.
Amongst their boxes of anime figures and workout equipment, was their giant box of DVDs and Blu-rays. They don’t really watch DVDs anymore with all the streaming and such.
They kept a few DVDs from some of their favorite shows and movies, but gave the rest to me. Huzzah!
So now, I present to you: A RANKING OF PHIL AND VAL’S BIG BOX OF DVDs & BLU-RAYs!
(This is going to take a while to complete. Check back for updates.)
- Dogma
- I never got into the View Askewniverse very much, but I do remember watching Dogma when it first came out way back when. I found it just as funny this time around as I did on the first watch. Sex and platypuses really are proof that God has a sense of humor. Well … and Quantum Mechanics.
- Monty Python and The Holy Grail
- This is peak Monty Python. So many good parts to this this. I love the ending where the police investigating the murder of the documentary host earlier in the film shut the movie down.
- I have the MP3’s of The Album Of The Soundtrack Of The Film Of Monty Python And The Holy Grail. Hearing the Constitutional Peasant randomly come up in my car stereo’s playlist is the best.
- Spaceballs
- Besides being hilarious, Spaceballs holds a special place in my heart because is was the first VHS cassette tape played in my house when I was a kid. Favorite scene: when President Screw opens up the can of Perri-Air. Also: “KNOCK ON MY DOOR! KNOCK NEXT TIME!”
- Blazing Saddles
- People always say: “You could never make Blazing Saddles today,” and I kinda have to agree with them. But it’s not because they drop the N-Bomb or any of the jokes. At its core, Blazing Saddles is a silly movie. At one point, the villain Hedley Lamarr leaves the set, takes a taxi to Mann’s Chinese Theater, and starts watching another movie. Pretty silly. Do not get me wrong: there is nothing wrong with silly. There are some great silly movies. But … I just don’t think people want silly anymore. Everything has to be serious and explosions and alpha-manly and shit. B-O-R-I-N-G. I’ll take a silly Mel Brooks movie over that stuff any day.
- Road House (1989)
- I really wasn’t expecting much from this movie but wow what a good movie! Even though having the hero live right across the river from Bob Jackass was a little hokey. Well … I guess the whole thing is a little hokey … the wandering philosopher warrior with a haunted past rolls into town and “Heather My Love, There’s A New Sheriff In Town’s” the place. I think the thing that make is work is the casting. Patrick, Kelly and Sam are all great, but the supporting cast really make the movie. The fight scenes are great! (Throat Punch!) I may have cried a little when Wade died. A real “Et tu, Brute?” ending there. Also: “A bear fell on me.” Sounds like my last date.
- Damn: Sam Elliott as Wade is fucking hot!
- The only thing I knew about this movie up to this point was what was in MST3k’s Patrick Swayze Christmas. I was half expecting Road House to be a surprise Christmas movie, but it is not.
- American Psycho
- Up until this point, the most I knew about this movie was that one clip featuring Hip to be Square. I think I would compare this movie to something like Vampire’s Kiss … except good. I think a lot of what really works is Christian Bale’s performance. Despite the giant, brick sized cell phones, I kept forgetting that this movie was set in late 80’s. Is that weird? Also: Totally using “I got to return some videotapes” as my exiting line from now on.
- This would have gotten a higher ranking, but I hate stuff were you get to the end and they “j/k lol” their way out of it.
- TRON (1982)
- I have a soft-spot for this movie. I loved it so much as a kid. As an adult, despite the paper-thin plot, I still adore the now hokey effects and cheese 80’s graphics.
- Space Jam (1996)
- I’d somehow made it through 10 years of the 90’s without seeing this movie.
- Whoa whoa whoa: nobody told me Dan Aykroyd was in this movie!
- 5 minutes in and I finally get a random Homestuck joke.
- There was a back-to-back Mighty Ducks/Disney Slam and a Richard Simmons’ video and I ADORE THIS MOVIE.
- The effects are bad and the plot is paper thin, but at the same time I can totally see how kids who saw this movie in the 90’s love it in the same way I love the original TRON. It really capture this magical moment in basketball and pop culture. I also feel like this was probably the last of the great romps for the Loony Toons before Warner Bros. animation just really went to shit.
- This DVD has like 30 minutes of copyright notices at the end in every damn language.
- Shaun of the Dead
- I think I’d rank this higher, but we’re kinda at maximum zombie right now. Super Serious Zombie. Which is probably why we probably need Shaun of the Dead more than ever. Still … I just wasn’t feeling that same joy I did when I first watched this movie. I’m blaming Big Zombie for over-saturating the current market.
- Every time I saw a cell phone, I was like: Were they ever that small?
- Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life
- This is another one of those movies that I’ve seen bits of, but never the whole thing. Monty Python has always been hit or miss, and this one feels a bit of a miss. The sketches are good, but it just feels like a slog to get through them all.
- He-Man and The Masters of The Universe – Battle for Eternia
- This is a 10 episode collection from the 2002 reboot. I almost gave up on it after the first episode – Turnabout – which is basically The Tickle Belt episode from Spongebob Squarepants. But I persevered. It’s ok. Good not great. It returns to the formula of the original. Even has a “moral of the story” at the end.
- In the same way that the original documented – for better or worse – the animation style of that time, this iteration manages to capture that kinda weird, early ‘oughts style of animation.
- I want to do a research project where I document the change in the ratio of chest to waste size of He-Man through the various reboots and examine how it relates to male body dysphoria.
- Mortal Kombat (1995)
- I was never a fan of the video game, but I did like the movie as a teen. But watching it now … it does drag. And some of the effects did not hold up very well either.
- Robin Shou is still hot though.
- I’ll give this movie bonus point for the rocking soundtrack. You’re never getting your CD back Matt.
- Still not the worst Video Game to Movie adaptation ever.
- The Venture Bros. Season 3
- I really loved Venture Bros. when it first came on. Season 1 and 2 were pretty cool, and the Season 4 final was super cool. But Season 3. Ooof. This was a horrible season. Oh well. Can’t win them all.
- Howard the Duck
- When I was a kid, I loved this movie, but watching it this round … I fell asleep during the ending. Maybe 7 year-old were the target audience?
- I always love movies where “generic evil punks” have absurdly complicated hair-dos.
- TRON Legacy
- Oh my god. This movie is PAINFUL. It’s basically every tech-bros’ wet dream. In the first 5 minutes, the lead is weaving through traffic on a motorcycle and I hate him. You know a movie is going to be bad when you’re actively rooting against the lead. There’s a Dollar General David Bowie. Daft Punk does not help this movie. Maybe I’ve just heard them too much? I really don’t like the effects in this movie. They just seem kinda average. But maybe it’s because I’m watching it on a TV and this was meant for IMAX? All that said: I do like the break into cubes effect that they do when a program gets derezzed.
- I think this movie has the opposite problem of the original: it has too much plot. And just turns into a dialog dumping ground.
- The Evil Dead
- Just because something is a classic doesn’t make it good.
- A lady is basically raped by a tree. Too much.
- The A-Team (2010)
- The first 5 – 10 minutes, the team members are introduce. Nab a helicopter make it across the border, the bad guys are caught, and roll the credits, great work everyone! But no: it keeps going. And going.
- Quinton Ramone Jackson is a fine actor … but come on guys, you can’t replace Mr. T.
- Your Highness
- It has a plot, albeit a forgettable one. It’s mostly just a series of lazy, Junior High gay jokes.
- Strangely, the effect are pretty good.
- Macgruber
- The best part of this movie is seeing Will Forte get splatted with like a gallon of fake blood.
- Gamer (2009)
- This movie is tedious. I watched it years ago on cable. The premise isn’t that interesting. Maybe it’s supposed to be a metaphor or something? I don’t know.